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PART – 1 – St. Suborno of Chattarji.
His martyrdom? He gave his life without actually giving it away to the Oxbridge aesthetic before he was 12, he delved long and deep into the Chaucer full of Secrets and massacred St.Bond of Poirot in a bloody battle fought under the guise of pop-salvation. And then there’s Lit Soc… Is he such an unlikely candidate for Sainthood? Lets examine this : the only saint who supposedly hasn’t changed his manner for many years. When the doctor slapped him to get the circulation going he said
“ Why are those star-struck
Oxford dons running to this
manger? And what’s that really bright light in the sky?” He grew and developed areas of specialisation mind-boggling in their variety. “What areas of specialization?” ye of little faith in KT scream. Well, I say to thee, “Pinkus Floydus, Americanus Poetus and Emulatus Royus”. Here is where I shalt be judged.
PART – 2 – St. Doctor of Dean
‘The Blue Oyster Cult sang “Don’t fear the reaper”. Oh, ye are so wrong. SO very wrong. As you sow ye shalt reap’ screamed the shepherd as he spoke to his boys. The garden analogy goes further than you can possibly imagine, though popular consensus and Inside Outside screams, “while weeding the garden be careful not to crush the flowers”. Oh well, he was martyred when mild mannered Physics Prof becomes, through simple twists of fate the ephemeral patriarch of St. Stephen’s College. You say he hath no signs of mysticism, but we say to thee : his light doth shine in every corner of college, and it shines on the darkness and the darkness comprehends it not. Followers include rez boys with records who confess for (is that what they call it now? –ed.) rez boys with bad behaviour. The former get salvaged, while the latter hit icebergs (lettuce gardening or titanic reference? –ed). “My boys are good and guilty till proven innocent”. Yes they are, this article was slipped under my door. Honest.
Part - 3 -Dr. Horace of Jacob
You bumped into him, didn’t you? Walking down the once - upon - a - time teak lane during the Human Rights seminar you noticed that the lone hand that was refused by Saint Suborno of Chattarji was his. St. Jacob was however no pushover, and gave his life in the tradition of the great ostrich. He did not stick his head in the sand, regardless of where he stuck his hand. “Sticking the head in the sand provokes giggles from the first row at assembly”, he said and was instantly blessed. We have always felt that “you can take a Horace to water, and you can push him in”. Like He (Himself!) has said on many an occasion (and for a change, we quote. Verbatim. –ed.) “You can take a Horace to water but you can’t mix his drink”. His followers are brilliant orators, and he has formed a society of these as well who continuously hold forth on what came first : the ostrich or the assembly. Represented in popular mythology as a goatee buried up to its follicles in sand that obeys the laws of physics to a ..ahem… p.
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